Monday, March 20, 2017

Decisions. Decisions? Decisions!

Congratulations! You just exercised your cognitive skills. How? By clicking on the link that brought you to my blog. You had to make a conscious choice of what to read at this very moment and I, for one, am honored that you would choose my random meanderings about life with MS.

I never quite understood what was meant by the term "cognitive skills" until MS. That's because difficulty with cognition is very common in people with MS, so you better know what it is you're up against. Difficulties include attention span, memory, producing and understanding language, learning, reasoning, problem solving, and decision-making. I've had run-ins with every one of these cognitive hiccups, but the bane of my existence is decision-making.

Some people like having lots of choices. They are the ones whose mantra is "variety is the spice of life". That's all well and fine if you're accustomed to adapting quickly and making decisions on the fly. My MS makes it hard for me to be spontaneous. There is no such thing as a quick decision.

Let's say you and I go to Ben & Jerry's for a double scoop sundae. My treat! You step right up to the counter and order a Cherry Garcia Waffle Cone Sundae. Wow! I'm so impressed with your depth of knowledge of the menu choices and your unflappable resolve to get exactly what you want. I, on the other hand, am completely overwhelmed by the flavor selection (not to mention having to sort through all the clever names).

Now you might say, "Well sure, Angela. Who wouldn't have a tough time deciding between all those delicious flavors?" True. But then not everyone has MS. My thought process goes something like this:

"Whoa! They sure have a lot of flavors here. I like chocolate. Let's see what they have in chocolate. Hmm... Chocolate. Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Cheesecake Brownie. Oh, that sounds good. I like cheesecake. Do they have any other cheesecake flavors? Wait a minute, if I'm going to eat cheesecake, I should go to Cheesecake Factory. But the closest Cheesecake Factory is an hour away. I want something now. But do I want ice cream? Maybe we should go to Five Guys first. I wonder who the five guys are. Are they brothers? Are they friends? If one of them is a woman, is it really fair to call it Five Guys?"

By this time the server has grown quite impatient with my inability to decide and the mom with a trio of rambunctious kids is giving us "the look" trying to hurry us along. Tasting doesn't help. My tongue is as confused as my brain which controls my tongue. (Got that? Great! Your cognitive skills are super sharp today!)

In an effort to maintain the peace, you gently suggest, "How about something simple like Chunky Monkey? I hear that's really good!" My mind begins to spiral out of control:

"Ba-Ha-Ha-HA! Chunky Monkey: the King Kong of Ben & Jerry's flavors! King Kong. What a great movie! They've remade that so many times. My favorite will always be the original because the animation is so hokey. I especially liked the fight between King Kong and the dinosaur. Classic! I love classics. What would be classic ice cream? Chocolate, vanilla and strawberry. Neapolitan ice cream. Didn't like the chocolate. The strawberry tasted fake. The only thing reliable was…"

The tension in Ben & Jerry's is palpable. The silence (with the exception of the Britney Spears Muzak droning in the background) is deafening. Any moment now the server will lose his minimum wage required smile and the mom will wind up her Mommy backpack to take a swing at me.

"I'll have a scoop of vanilla on a sugar cone."

Sigh… Once again I succumb to taking the path of least resistance because decision-making is just so hard for me.

I'm getting better, though. I've come to understand that decision-making takes a lot of work. It takes focus ("I am here to get an ice cream sundae."), memory ("My favorite flavor is chocolate."), resolve ("I am getting a hot fudge sundae with chocolate ice cream."), and a healthy sense of humor ("This'll be a sugar high worth posting on YouTube!").

So let me know when you're ready to go to Ben & Jerry's. I'm ready!

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