Congratulations! You just exercised your cognitive skills.
How? By clicking on the link that brought you to my blog. You had to make a
conscious choice of what to read at this very moment and I, for one, am honored
that you would choose my random meanderings about life with MS.
I never quite understood what was meant by the term
"cognitive skills" until MS. That's because difficulty with cognition is very common in people with MS, so you better know what it is you're up against.
Difficulties include attention span, memory, producing and understanding
language, learning, reasoning, problem solving, and decision-making. I've had
run-ins with every one of these cognitive hiccups, but the bane of my existence
is decision-making.
Some people like having lots of choices. They are the ones
whose mantra is "variety is the spice of life". That's all well and
fine if you're accustomed to adapting quickly and making decisions on the fly. My
MS makes it hard for me to be spontaneous. There is no such thing as a quick
decision.
Let's say you and I go to Ben & Jerry's for a double
scoop sundae. My treat! You step right up to the counter and order a Cherry
Garcia Waffle Cone Sundae. Wow! I'm so impressed with your depth of knowledge
of the menu choices and your unflappable resolve to get exactly what you want.
I, on the other hand, am completely overwhelmed by the flavor selection (not to
mention having to sort through all the clever names).
Now you might say, "Well sure, Angela. Who wouldn't
have a tough time deciding between all those delicious flavors?" True. But
then not everyone has MS. My thought process goes something like this:
"Whoa! They sure have a lot of flavors here. I like
chocolate. Let's see what they have in chocolate. Hmm... Chocolate. Chocolate
Fudge Brownie. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. Cheesecake Brownie. Oh, that sounds
good. I like cheesecake. Do they have any other cheesecake flavors? Wait a
minute, if I'm going to eat cheesecake, I should go to Cheesecake Factory. But
the closest Cheesecake Factory is an hour away. I want something now. But do I
want ice cream? Maybe we should go to Five Guys first. I wonder who the five
guys are. Are they brothers? Are they friends? If one of them is a woman, is it
really fair to call it Five Guys?"
By this time the server has grown quite impatient with my
inability to decide and the mom with a trio of rambunctious kids is giving us
"the look" trying to hurry us along. Tasting doesn't help. My tongue
is as confused as my brain which controls my tongue. (Got that? Great! Your
cognitive skills are super sharp today!)
In an effort to maintain the peace, you gently suggest,
"How about something simple like Chunky Monkey? I hear that's really
good!" My mind begins to spiral out of control:
"Ba-Ha-Ha-HA! Chunky Monkey: the King Kong of Ben &
Jerry's flavors! King Kong. What a great movie! They've remade that so many
times. My favorite will always be the original because the animation is so
hokey. I especially liked the fight between King Kong and the dinosaur.
Classic! I love classics. What would be classic ice cream? Chocolate, vanilla
and strawberry. Neapolitan ice cream. Didn't like the chocolate. The strawberry
tasted fake. The only thing reliable was…"
The tension in Ben & Jerry's is palpable. The silence
(with the exception of the Britney Spears Muzak droning in the background) is
deafening. Any moment now the server will lose his minimum wage required smile and
the mom will wind up her Mommy backpack to take a swing at me.
"I'll have a scoop of vanilla on a sugar cone."
Sigh… Once again I succumb to taking the path of least
resistance because decision-making is just so hard for me.
I'm getting better, though. I've come to understand that
decision-making takes a lot of work. It takes focus ("I am here to get an
ice cream sundae."), memory ("My favorite flavor is
chocolate."), resolve ("I am getting a hot fudge sundae with
chocolate ice cream."), and a healthy sense of humor ("This'll be a
sugar high worth posting on YouTube!").
So let me know when you're ready to go to Ben & Jerry's.
I'm ready!
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